After much discussion with my husband, I’ve decided to start a YouTube channel and I’m really excited!!

A lot of people have misconceptions about how a survivor might live their life so I’m hoping my channel will help to clear up some questions, judgments, assumptions, etc.  Since only two people in my family know that I was involved in an abusive relationship (my husband and my mother), I’ve lived my life almost in secret or divided into two separate lives.  At home with my husband, I allow myself to be vulnerable and open up to my husband about the abusive relationship and how it affects me every single day; he is really the only one who is truly able to see how it affects my daily life and actions.  When I’m with my family, I push that way down to hide it and try my best to simply be happy and enjoy the moments with my family.

I’m hopeful that my YouTube channel will also allow other survivors to come together and be inspired to get the conversation going; we all know that’s part of the problem – no one talks about domestic violence or teen dating abuse.  When there is no conversation, there is no action to prevent or treat/stop it.

I live a great life now.  I know that my life is split into two “chapters” if you will; before abuse and after abuse.  For me, the after is the best – I love my life.  I take time to give myself credit for fighting to survive and also fighting for a better life by not allowing him or the abuse to ruin the rest of my life.  I deserve a great life after the abuse and I will continue to fight to achieve that every day.  I hope to inspire others to not let that crap get them down or not let it ruin their day or entire life.  Everyone deserves a good life, regardless of what has happened to them in the past.

I’m very thankful for my husband and his support.  When I told him I was thinking about starting a YouTube channel, he didn’t even question it; his first words were “do it!”  I love that – I’m so lucky to have him.  He’s pumped to set me up with a filming spot and he even offered to go on camera with me whenever I wanted him to!  I think that would take time for me to be comfortable with though.  My ex knows my face, but I’m not sure he knows my married last name or my husband’s face and if not, I’d like to keep it that way, to protect his privacy and minimize the possibility of him finding me (us).  I also plan to alter my husband’s name on camera, again, to protect his privacy.  I suppose that would be up to him though – if he feels safe enough to use his real name or not.  He has less fear than I do.

I think having this YouTube channel will also serve as some sort of therapy for me as well, not just for my viewers.  I don’t necessarily “believe” in therapy because I’ve always just dealt with things on my own, which I continue to do every day, but I know that talking about it and even knowing that I might be helping even one person will be like therapy for me and will help me to get thru it.

Not EVERY video will be about domestic violence/teen dating abuse though.  I want to show people that my every day life isn’t all gloom and doom because I was once abused – I don’t sit in a ball in a corner rocking back and forth.  I live my damn life.  I deserve that.  I will talk about domestic violence/teen dating abuse in videos, but not all because that would be misleading – the majority of my life is happy, but every now and again, I have a bad day where all I can focus on is the abuse; those are the days I will film and it will be raw and emotional and real, because that’s what it is, it’s very real for me, but I must get through it.

I’m feeling empowered today, and I love it.

Also, my YouTube channel name is “Finding Bliss” in case you were wondering!

– A


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