As you may or may not know, I have decided to seek counseling for everything that I went through in the abusive relationship and it’s been going really well.
I just had my fifth session, which is weird because it doesn’t feel like it’s been five sessions already, but I think that’s a good thing.
Since I’ve started going to therapy, my views of it have completely changed. Before therapy, I felt really alone, because it’s obviously not something that is easy to talk about and I feel there may be others out there that feel the same way I felt before going to therapy. Nobody should feel lonely.
I would just like to reassure you that therapy is not something to be scared of or ashamed of; you have to take care of you – you are most important. It’s never too late to get your shit together. I got out of the abusive relationship 9 years ago and I just started going to therapy.
Before therapy, I was very ashamed, and I let my ego get in the way of not only my mental health, but my general health as a whole. I wanted to be that woman that was like “no, I’m good, I don’t need therapy, I’m stronger than him, I’ll be fine;” however, as I started to move forward with my new life (after abuse), I started to [privately] see that it did effect me in many ways, but I really tried to hide that from everyone, and maybe even hide it from myself.
I think what I was trying to do was fake it till I made it, or fake it till I became it, became unaffected by the abusive past. I think that approach did help me in the short-term because I was able to forget about it and really maintain a somewhat normal lifestyle. But as I’m older now and am in a better place to be able to really look at those emotions and feel what I’m supposed to feel in order to deal with it and move beyond it, I knew I was ready to seek counseling. I now realize that “pretending” I was fine wasn’t the right thing to do, but as a teenager, I didn’t really know what to do so that’s what I did to make myself feel better and to simply get thru it to do the best I could with whatever strength I had left.
Now, being in therapy, I am so glad I finally made the decision to start getting some counseling because even if you think you have control over it, you really don’t. I think that’s where I went wrong; I thought I had it under control because I “forgot” about it and wasn’t thinking about it and wasn’t showing any signs that it creeped into my brain every single day.
Admitting to myself that I needed help was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life, but I don’t regret it for a second. It’s not an easy thing to go through alone and being in therapy makes me feel less alone in this fight.
I do think it is crucial to only go to therapy if you’re ready and it’s something you’ve put a lot of thought into; if you’re not ready, everything may just go in one ear and out the other, so you may not even learn anything at all.
I am very proud of how far I came without therapy and how much of myself I built back up all on my own, and knowing the strength that it took to do that, I’m very proud of myself, but in many ways, admitting to myself that I can’t do it alone and I needed help, makes me even prouder.
It really does help me to just talk about it, out loud. I love the relationship that I have with my therapist; I trust her, I’m open with her, and even after only five sessions, I can already tell a difference in the way I’m thinking about my past.
My thoughts on therapy have completely changed since before; I’ve seen and felt the positives of therapy, and I really wish I had gone sooner. There is no shame in seeking therapy or admitting that you even need help in the first place.
I also filmed a video on this topic if you prefer: